The kids found the letterpress.
The letterpress will recover. Mustard Press typesets print that actually wins customers, and the first proof is free.
THE PIECE
$97
THE HAND PRESS
$497
The World’s Most Trusted Publication About One Family
Mustard Life
The Family Business Issue
EXCLUSIVE: They Put AI on the Phones and Sailed Away p. 04
At Home on the Water with Mr. and Mrs. Mustard p. 02
Inside: Every Price We Charge, Printed in Ink p. 03
Free. The Magazine, Not the Yacht.
From the Editor's DeskMUSTARD LIFE · p. 02
“People keep asking how our family is always on the water while every phone gets answered, every website gets built, and every ad gets run. This issue is our answer. It is also, and we want to be honest about this, thirty pages of shameless advertising.”
Mr. Mustard, Editor-in-Chief (Unpaid)
Reader discretion advised: contains real prices.
In This Issue
- 04The Sidekick ForgeAI receptionist, from $397 + $297/mo
- 06Websites and Command Centersfrom $497 + $97/mo
- 10Pictures and Broadcastcommercials from $197, managed ads from $497
- 12Press, Launch, and the GEO Deskfrom $97
- 14The Switchboardfranchises, from $199/location
- 16The Hatchery and Night Schoolmascots $497, courses from $47
- 18The Custom Shopsites, stores, apps, whole systems
- 20The Free Classifiedseverything on this page costs nothing
- 22Find Your Horizonthe partner program
Cover StoryMUSTARD LIFE · p. 04
Who answers the phones?
Our reporter spent three days aboard. The office never called back. The office never needed to.
Mustard Life
You have not answered a phone since March.
Mr. Mustard
And yet no phone has gone unanswered.
The Sidekick answers his line 24 hours a day, books the appointments, flags the urgent calls to his cell, and sends him a tidy summary of every conversation. Tell Mr. Mustard about your business and he trains one for you while you watch, then it talks to you live. The demo is free and takes about a minute. Your setup fee is credited toward any custom build over $2,500.
SIDEKICK
$397 + $297/mo
250 answered minutes a month. At the cap he takes messages only. Never a surprise bill.
SIDEKICK PRO
$597 + $497/mo
600 minutes, caller memory, real calendar booking, a monthly retrain call with Sarah.
Forge Yours Free
Or call Mr. Mustard himself: (406) 312-1223. He loves visitors.
Home and OfficeMUSTARD LIFE · p. 06
Brunch is a department now.
Mrs. Mustard
We built your website before the espresso cooled.
At the Demo Station, the studio forges a working website for your business free, before you pay anything or talk to anyone. Tour it, love it, and the team customizes it and puts it live on your own domain.
Your New Website
$497 + $97/mo
Two free edits before it goes live. Your domain, hosting, and care included.
Mr. Mustard
It runs the business. I just like the chair.
The Kids
We are also very important.
p. 08 · The Bridge
The Business Command Center wires your calls, customers, and reviews into one glowing dashboard. Take all three and it becomes one system with one login.
Business Command Center
$497 + $197/mo
The command center from your demo, wired to your real calls, customers, and reviews.
The Whole System
$997 + $497/mo
Receptionist + website + command center, one system, one login.
The Arts SectionMUSTARD LIFE · p. 10
Lights. Camera. Mustard.
Mrs. Mustard
I do my own stunts.
Mr. Mustard, Directing
Gorgeous. Now say it like you answer phones for a living.
Mustard Pictures makes your business a cinematic commercial, starting with a free Screen Test you can watch before paying a cent. Mustard Broadcast then puts it on the air: campaigns built and managed in your own ad account, budgets watched weekly, reports in plain English.
Pictures · THE SPOT
$197
One cinematic 30-second spot, three cuts, full rights.
Pictures · THE PREMIERE
$497
The full premiere treatment.
Broadcast · ON AIR
$497 + $297/mo
Your commercial on Facebook and Instagram, managed for you.
Broadcast · PRIME TIME
$997 + $597/mo
The full engine: both networks, a landing page, and fresh film all year.
Three Short FeaturesMUSTARD LIFE · p. 12
Every launch needs witnesses.
Mustard Launch is your AI launch coach. Type the idea, get the whole plan, count down to open. The Blueprint is free.
The Launch Kit
$197
The Launch Room
$97/mo
Can the AIs find you?
When people ask ChatGPT who to hire, the GEO Desk makes sure the answer is you. Your findability grade is free.
THE FIX PACK
$297
THE WATCH
from $97/mo
Society PagesMUSTARD LIFE · p. 14
Forty locations, darling. One board.
Mrs. Mustard, Operator
Hold please. Kidding. Nobody holds here.
The Switchboard is the concierge desk for franchises and multi-location brands: every location answered around the clock, every call logged on one command board the whole operation can see.
The Switchboard
$199 to $349/location/mo
Volume pricing by location count, plus a one-time $3,500 build. Call the demo line on the page first.
Family AnnouncementsMUSTARD LIFE · p. 16
Something is hatching.
The Mustard Hatchery births a mascot for your business: a face, a voice, a story your customers remember. Meet the first glimpse free, then hatch the whole character.
The Hatch
$497
Heartbeat
$49/mo
Spotlight
$149/mo
Night school, Mustard style.
Mustard Mode teaches you Claude and Claude Code with a live coach, four tracks, and 28 missions. The first session is free. The Store carries the studio’s production-tested playbooks and courses, from $47.
Player
$197
Builder
$397
Founders' Cabinet
$97/mo
The Custom ShopMUSTARD LIFE · p. 18
Mr. Mustard
Some ideas need a hard hat.
Mrs. Mustard
And all of them need a good-looking front door.
Built to order.
Custom websites, stores, apps, and whole business systems, shipped in weeks, not months. A Seed Site goes live in about a week. A Full-Service Business Build runs the whole operation. Every engagement gets a fixed quote after a free 30-minute call, and every setup fee in this magazine credits toward any build over $2,500.
Every Custom Build
Fixed quote
Priced after a free discovery call. Fixed scope, fixed timeline, no hourly meter, you own the code.
The Mustard ClassifiedsMUSTARD LIFE · p. 20
Everything below is free.
We checked. Twice.
Free · No Card
The Bottleneck Breaker
A 2-minute AI audit that names the one thing slowing your business down.
Free · No Card
The Website Audit
Your AI-findability grade. Learn what ChatGPT says about you.
Free · No Card
The New Business Checklist
Every step from idea to open, in order, none skipped.
Free · No Card
The Prompt Playbook
The prompts the studio actually uses, ready to steal.
Free · No Card
Idea to Spec
Turn the napkin sketch into a build brief a developer can price.
Free · No Card
The Terminal
Watch the studio work. Live, unfiltered, oddly soothing.
Free · No Card
The Mustard Seed World
Fly a seaplane over Flathead Lake. Chase twelve seeds. Plant yours.
Free · No Card
Free Playbooks
The library of plays, open to readers of this fine publication.
Subscription Card · Do Not Lose This
Subscribe to Mustard Life.
One short email a week: real plays from the studio, new issues first, zero fluff. Cancel anytime, though the Mustards will wonder what they did wrong.
p. 22 · A Word From Our Sponsor (Us)
Find your horizon.
The family secret is a staff that never sleeps. Get yours at the Demo Station, or join the partner program, sell the staff to businesses you know, and keep up to half on every product plus recurring income every month. The water is lovely.
Mustard Life is published whenever the Mustards feel like it.
Modern Mustard Seed · Kalispell, Montana · Started from a seed, Matthew 13:31-32